seimaisin: (warden beth)
I'm grateful to have my creativity back.

A couple of months ago, I started to cut back on my Effexor, with my doctor's blessing. I'm now down to 37.5mg per day (along side my daily Wellbutrin), and the difference has been astonishing. I knew I'd been a little cloudy, especially in creative terms - and I figured it wasn't a coincidence that the last substantial thing I wrote was finished right before I started the Effexor, back in 2013. But I didn't quite get how much my mental processes were muted until I scaled back on the Effexor.

I have stories in my head now, stories I feel are actually worth writing, for the first time in what feels like forever. And better, I've actually started putting words down on a couple of them.

The Effexor probably got me through the end of my old job without feeling suicidal, so I can't regret being on it. But FUCK, I'm glad it's mostly gone now. I don't know when I'll go off it completely - I'm at least waiting until after the holidays, because there'll be some ridiculous withdrawal symptoms - but right now, I feel like I'm at a good place. Thank all the gods.
seimaisin: (Default)
Monday again.

- I've been off Tumblr since ... last Tuesday? Wednesday? And honestly, I feel a million times better. I don't know specifically what it is, but for some reason I've reached my breaking point with the way people interact on Tumblr (at least in my corner of it, anyway). I've been getting my social media fix on Twitter, and for the most part, it's felt much healthier. I did take a hiatus on Friday/Saturday, because the amount of Paris speculation and misinformation really got to me, but for the most part it's worked better for my current mindset.

- We finally got rid of all the old bookshelves and furniture that have been cluttering up our house/garage for YEARS on Saturday. It feels AMAZING. Well, except for the part where I'm so out of shape that I still hurt today from the lifting and moving on Saturday morning. But still.

(I am the complete opposite of a hoarder. I want to get rid of EVERYTHING. If it's not working, if it doesn't do me any good right now, if it doesn't serve a purpose, GET IT OUT. Clutter makes me anxious, makes me feel lethargic and hopeless. I need space to breathe more than I need a second winter coat, or more shelves in which to allow my physical belongings to spread out.)

- Yesterday, the group of us started our new Numenera campaign, which is shaping up to be super fun. I'm loving Numenera as a system in general - the rules system allows for more storytelling and character development and fewer 3 hour battles that depend on the whims of the dice. Also, the setting lets you go in whatever genre direction you want - non-technological fantasy, apocalyptic sci-fi or horror, steampunkish weird science ... you name it, you can probably play it. I'm looking forward to getting more into the game.

- I've reached the uncomfortable point in my therapy where I can't tell if I'm on the verge of breaking through my own stubbornness and blocks, or if my therapist is not understanding what I really need. This is usually where I just abandon therapy all together, but I'm trying to push through this time, at least until or unless I figure out that the latter is true. We'll see.

Happy Monday, all. How are you?

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seimaisin

October 2016

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