seimaisin: (liara is thoughtful)
Nearly late, but today I'm thankful for you.

Yes, you. Some of you have been reading my random ramblings for a few weeks, or a few months. Some of you have been with me for most of the 4+ years I've been on Tumblr. Some of you have been with me since the LJ days, all the way back to 2001. Some of you were around even before that. It's pretty wild, to think that there are people I met on the internet who are still here after nearly 20 years.

I'm glad I'm not typing into the void. I'm glad you're listening. I'm glad you care, to whatever extent you do.

Happy Thanksgiving, Americans. And happy Thursday to everyone else.
seimaisin: (circle beth)
I'm grateful my dad is doing okay.

I dreamed about his death last night. It was odd, mostly for how not-disturbing it was. I feel like I'm going to be pretty numb when it does happen. But for now, he's recovering nicely - his surgeon gave him the go-ahead to drive and lift things again last week, so he's basically back to where he was before the surgery, just with more heart medications and a new scar or two.

He's 72 years old, with heart, blood pressure, and kidney problems, so his death isn't as far as away as either of us might like. But it's not going to happen right now, and for that, I'm thankful.
seimaisin: (warden beth)
I'm grateful to have my creativity back.

A couple of months ago, I started to cut back on my Effexor, with my doctor's blessing. I'm now down to 37.5mg per day (along side my daily Wellbutrin), and the difference has been astonishing. I knew I'd been a little cloudy, especially in creative terms - and I figured it wasn't a coincidence that the last substantial thing I wrote was finished right before I started the Effexor, back in 2013. But I didn't quite get how much my mental processes were muted until I scaled back on the Effexor.

I have stories in my head now, stories I feel are actually worth writing, for the first time in what feels like forever. And better, I've actually started putting words down on a couple of them.

The Effexor probably got me through the end of my old job without feeling suicidal, so I can't regret being on it. But FUCK, I'm glad it's mostly gone now. I don't know when I'll go off it completely - I'm at least waiting until after the holidays, because there'll be some ridiculous withdrawal symptoms - but right now, I feel like I'm at a good place. Thank all the gods.
seimaisin: (beth at home)
It seemed like a good idea to make Thanksgiving week a time to be grateful for some of the things in my life right now.

First day? My biggest reason to be grateful for this year - my job. Why? Many, many reasons.

- Nobody is looking over my shoulder any more, waiting for me to fuck up.

- My office is quiet; it's common to go whole days only seeing/having to speak aloud to my three officemates. I even get to wear headphones and listen to music!

- I get to use my writing/editing skills on a daily basis.

- I feel like I'm an actual part of the department now, part of a larger team, rather than just some admin person who doesn't count.

- I'm learning something new every day.

- I have upward mobility chances in this job.

- In the infamous words of Sally Field, "they like me, they really like me!" I've been told on multiple occasions that everyone is amazed at how quickly I'm catching on, and how much I've gotten done in the few months I've been here. I can't remember the last time I heard professional praise that didn't ring hollow.

... and I haven't even gotten to the part where I get to go back and finish my undergrad degree basically for free. I'll start exploring that after the first of the year.

I'm grateful that I finally got up the courage to say "enough is enough." I'm grateful that K told me about this job, and that she went to bat for me when the University HR department decided I wasn't qualified enough. I'm grateful that my boss took a chance on me. I'm so, so, SO happy to be in a better place.

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October 2016

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